England!

Guys!! Look what I have for you today. The edited first chapter of Cinderella.

I am keeping the basic plot for the book, but it is going to be more modern.

Cinderella
Chapter One, England
Helene Daphne Meckler took a deep breath of the sweet smell of fresh spring roses, as she sat down on a nearby bench. Her first day at the college, or as the British people would say, the university, was hard. No matter where she went she had to tell someone her name, whether it was because she was filling out a form, or just introducing herself. And like always, questions always followed.
Your name is Helene Daphne? Aren’t those Greek names? Why are you named that? You must have some cool parents? Do you pronounce it Helen Da-feen?
Helene sighed, she would be glad when everyone was used to her name. But in the meantime, she would just spend her time in all the nearby parks and gardens. They were very beautiful, and all the flowers were in full bloom. She took a sniff at the Morning Glories that hung from a trellis to her right. She would be sure to tell her sisters, Athena and Cynthia all about the flowers, they would love it.
“Hullo, Helene! How has our fair country of England suited you?” An unfamiliar voice, with a strong British accent called out.
“Hello,” Helene said hesitantly. She recognized the girl, but just barely. The girl was tall and lean, with an olive colored skin, and dark hair. She almost looked Italian, with her dark hair, olive colored skin and dark eyes.
The girl grinned good naturally. “I doubt you remember me. I am Emma, also your roommate.”
Helene nodded. “Oh, sorry, I have met a lot of people today.”
Emma shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. You will get to know me soon enough.”
Emma was right, soon Helene got to know her as the cheerful, helpful, giddy young girl that she was. She also learned that Malcolm, Emma’s brother, was not as mean and tough as he made out to be. That Triss was a sweet girl, just shy, and Karl was always going to be grumpy.
One morning, on Helene’s third semester, Emma, Triss, Malcolm, grumpy Karl and Helen were all sitting in a tea house that happened to be down the road from the university. Helen took another sip of her chocolate tea, savoring the delicious tastes that hit her taste buds. She glanced over the rim of her tea cup at Malcolm. He smirked at her, causing her hand to jerk slightly and her tea to spill down the front of her white shirt. Helen glared at him. Malcolm just laughed at her.
“Malcolm! You need to stop doing that!” Helene said, her American accent sounding loudly around the building, causing many people to turn and look at their table. “This is going to stain.” she hissed.
Malcolm shrugged. “What do I care?”
Em snorted, than dissolved in a round of harsh coughs, after she snuffed tea up her nose.
Helen glared at them both. “Guys!” her voice barely made it to a whisper.
“I am going to go and change my clothes.” Helene said, still glaring at Malcolm and Em.
Malcolm snickered. Helene glared at him even harder.
Helene stood up and began to walk out the door.
“I’ll walk with you.” Triss said in her quiet voice, she hurried after Helene. Helene pulled open the door.
“You should put your green dress on!” Helene heard Malcolm almost bellow after me. “It looks good on you.”
Helene let the door slam behind her.
“He is just playing.” Triss said softly.
“I know.”
“He likes you.” Triss said.
Helene looked at Triss, she was smiling. Helene turned away to hide her smile. “I know.”
They walked the rest of the way to the university in silence. Once in her room, Helen changed into her green dress, against her better judgment. She pulled her blonde hair, which she had taken so much time to curl that morning into a soft pony-tail. She then tied a bow of green ribbon around the pony-tail holder. She slipped my feet into a pair of denim looking slip on shoes, and then hurried down the stairs to where Triss stood waiting.
They met up with Em and Malcolm at the library. Malcolm snickered when he saw what Helene was where. She just glared at him, and made her way to the front desk so that she could find out if the library had anyone books on the subject that she was researching.

What do you think? What are you opinions on the different characters? Who do you like the best?

TTFN, Mary

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4 Responses to England!

  1. Hi Mary!
    This chapter is great! I love that most of the characters are the same, but the story is quite different. I can’t wait to see where the story goes. I love Helene. She’s cool. And Emma. I love her cheerfulness. I can’t wait for the next chapter. 😀

    -Hope

    • Mary says:

      I love Emma’s cheerfulness too. She makes me feel happy. lol I have to admit though, that there will probably not be characters in this story for Diana and Timothy. But I think it will be great with out them! In the first draft I felt like I had to many characters.

  2. Aurelie says:

    Hello Mary, My name is Aurelie.
    I have been visiting your whole site. It’s great!
    Then I finally found this wonderful story I started reading. Your chapter is perfect. To be specific, your plot, setting, characters personalities, words choices… they are well done.

    To answer your questions:
    1. I think the chapter is great.
    2. My opinions on the different characters are that they each have personality that fit them
    and the way they interact with others.
    3. The best I like would be Emma, but I like Helene too.

    I really enjoy it and I think you continue and I encourage you. I will be reading your other chapters.

    Keep up the good work 🙂

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