I have done some editing!

Yes, I know a shocker. I did some editing. On a first draft that I wrote in 2013…… Ehehehehe.

I haven’t really been in the mood to write today, though I know I really need to finish the book I start to write for NaNoWriMo last year, which just so you know is over 60k right now. And because I wasn’t in the mood to write I decided that I would work on editing this book instead.

Yes this book, you really don’t know what I am talking about do you. I am talking about what use to be known as The Moonstone, and that I still kind of call it that, only because I haven’t actually told anyone that I renamed it and it is now The Protector. But hey, now you guys know.

So that is what I have been working on. And I thought I would share some of the first couple of paragraphs with you guys. Okay, correction, I will share the first chapter with you. (don’t expect more full chapters later….)

Chapter One
I sat squashed in between my two older brothers, Adam and David, in the back seat of our car. Adam and David were twins, and you would have thought that they would want to sit beside each other in the car, so that they could share their little secrets with each other, like they always did. But oh no, they both had to have a window seat, so that they could sit staring out the window and the streets signs that whizzed past us. So I, like always was left with the only empty seat in our car, the middle seat. Which anyone who has ever had to sit in such a seat would know it the most uncomfortable place to sit in the car.
We were on our way to my Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving, just in case you were wondering. This was Grandma’s first Thanksgiving without Grandpa, so Mom had instructed us to be really kind and helpful to her…and everyone else. It would be a hard day one everyone, well probably not my brothers considering how I don’t even think they were listening when Mom told us that we needed to be extra good today. They were probably just going to run around acting stupid….like they always did.
“Mom, when are we going to get to Grandma’s house?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. I was developing a headache from being in the car for so long.
“We will be there in about twenty minutes.” Dad replied, after a quick glance at the clock.
My brother snickered, exchanging glances. “Wow, Mom, you have a very masculine voice.”
I rolled my eyes; my brothers were always trying to find something to joke about.
“Thanks Dad.” I said, though I doubt he heard be over my brothers guffawing.

After driving up the longest driveway imaginable, we finally pulled to a stop behind a long line of cars. Mom’s siblings and their families were already here. I craned my neck to see the old familiar farm house. I felt more at home here than I did at my own home. Probably because I actually felt wanted here.
Before Mom had even stopped the car, the boys had flung the car doors open and scrambled out of the car. They jumped out, running off to play with our cousins. I struggled to climb over all of their junk and out of the car. When I finally did get out of the car I was nearly suffocated with all of the hugs and kisses I received from family members.
Amidst all of the hugging and kissing I looked around the place trying to search for my cousin, Debby. We both were good friends, for me she was my only friend, for her I was probably one friend in the midst of a thousand.
I grinned shyly. “Hi!” I still didn’t understand why this was so awkward, I mean we saw each other once and month.
Debby grinned back. “Hi Breanne! You want to walk around or sit on the porch, maybe sit inside?”
“Sure we can walk around.” And there goes Debby being, Debby. She probably didn’t even know what awkward was.
I soon found myself walking around Grandma’s small flower garden, chatting with Debby. We chatted about everything, from having to get up every morning to go to school, to Debby’s crush, who if you asked me, I thought seemed pretty stupid, to what flowers we liked in Grandma’s garden. I don’t know how long we were out there, but we must have been out there a long time, because son Grandma was coming to the door to call the little kids inside.
Grandma peered around the yard until she saw us. “Breanne and Debby will you go find the boys for me?” She called
“Yes, Grandma.” Debby hollered back.
Debby looked at me. “I’ll beat you to the woods.”
I rolled my eyes. “No you won’t.”
We raced off towards the woods. I being the faster of the two of us, got there first. I stopped when we reached the edge of the woods.
“Where should we look first?” I asked, peering into the woods, seeing if I could catch a glimpse of the boys.
Debby shrugged. “I don’t know. How about we look around in the forts first. They might be there. I think they were going to play with their air soft guns.”
I agreed that we should look in the forts. After a short argument about whether or not we should split up, in which I won, and we split up, we started looking for the boys.
I was plodding along an old path, which we kids had made from many days of playing in the woods. I stopped and turned around, looking around at the woods behind me. I thought I had heard something. The woods were dark, as the sun had started to set and my imagination, started to run away from me. A gentle breeze blew through the woods, the leaves rustled.
“Who is there?” I asked shakily.
No answer. I shivered. A twig cracked behind me, I spun around. What was that?
Not thinking of what I was doing I sprinted off through the woods. I had no idea where I was going or why I was even running. I couldn’t stop myself. I tried. I now could hear Debby running after me and calling my name, trying to get me to stop. I neared what I thought was the edge of the woods, but found it was only where the trees had thinned revealing a small pond. Before I could slow down and stop so as not to fall into the pond, I tripped over a tree root and fell in. I heard Debby scream as I sunk down to the bottom of the pond, my thick woolen jacket pulling me down. I struggled out of it trying my hardest not to panic. The last time I was in a large body of water I had nearly drowned, I had tried to avoid large bodies of water ever since.
A current was sucking me down to the middle of the pond, down to the deepest part. I couldn’t help but panic, but there was nothing I could do and I soon slipped away into unconsciousness.
A mist cleared from my eyes as I regained consciousness. I was lying on a road made of hard cobblestones. I sat up rubbing my head. I heard shouting and for the first time I noticed that a crowed had gather around me. I caught a few words here and there.
“Leave the girl alone.” Cried one middle age women.
“Where did she come from?” I man practically bellowed.
“I said she dropped right from the sky.” One man yelled over the crowd.
“She looks just like the girl who stole bread from my shop the other day.” A man almost whined
“Oh, shut up Bert! You know as well as everyone else here that it was a boy who stole the bread from your shop. You’ve been saying so yourself all week.” An older women said.
I slowly sat up and tried to stand up, trying to look around me. My vison swam and I felt myself start to fall again. Someone caught me.
“There now, don’t try to get up too soon, you are still a little dazed.” I heard a women speak gently in my ear.
I heard the crowd erupt around me. I tried to sit up again and see what they had gotten so excited about. The women beside me pushed me back down.
“No you must stay here if you get up now you’ll just topple right over.” The women said smiling gently down at me.
“Why have they gotten all excited?” I croaked.
“They found another girl. She tumbled right in the road, much like you did.” The women chuckled a little. “Only a little safer, you fell right in front of a wagon, nearly got trampled, you did.”
“Debby?” I croaked. Could she have fallen in too?

So what do you guys think of the first chapter? If you have any critiques you would like to give, go for it! I love critics! 🙂

 

 

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2 Responses to I have done some editing!

  1. Wow! That is awesome! I want to read more! 😀

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